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coreoffaith
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Name: Josh
Birthday: 9/22/1980
Interests: A little bit of everything... Singing acapella, beatboxing (vocal percussion), dancing, stepping, reading, theology, anime, RPGs, ultimate frisbee, martial arts, learning new things. But above all, worshipping God and being with His people in His grace.
Affiliations: Stuy Seekers, COS, CFC, Ling Liang, UMich, LPhiE Xi, CCF, Good News, KBC (Covenant), SLT '01, Xining Missions Team '02, MHCCC FI5H, SOR Toronto '04, Westminster Theological Seminary
Expertise: Servant in training. Bah, why do these sites never have religion under occupation?
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/5/2003
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| Just got back from SOR Toronto - a week-long revival/rally/street-evangelism trip in partnership with SCBC, a Chinese church in Toronto - with the goal of teaching boldness in prayer and witness to the youth, and being a part of God's work in revival. My throat still hurts from all the crying out in prayer and worship, and I think I'll need several days to recover. It was wonderful to see God move in bringing together the 12 Americans and the 6 Canadians, and clearly see the growth in confidence, boldness, vision, and prayer among the team. I really enjoyed teaching and leading the youth, and I realized how long its been. It was a blast working with such teachable youth and meeting such cheerful Canadians.
Now I'm back in Philly doing CSI - church camp for inner city kids focusing on academics and the gospel. I've discovered both how much I miss working with Asian-American youth and how much I love working with these young Black and Hispanic kids. One of them just swung by the house to hang out and talk. I'm in a tough tension, where whichever world I'm in, I miss the other one. It's not the most comfortable place to be, but I continue to pray that God will show me how to bridge the gap between the two and where he wants me to be.
I love STF, but I miss the Asian churches, though I don't want to stay within an exclusive ethnic context. Inner city, urban, suburban? Focus on the cross-cultural or focus on the generational Asian ministry? How do mission and mercy fit in? And I'm still looking for a teaching position to support myself while seeing how I can fit in here at Spirit & Truth. Please pray for me.
Edit: I'm really wrestling now... here's a quote from today's journal entry, concerning my inner turmoil: "Is this just the culture shock to be expected while I stretch myself to have God's heart for the neighborhood (inner city), or is this the heart pangs of someone who has abandoned his primary burden and calling - someone who has tried to broaden himself and as a result lost his focus? Where does God want me?" This is only excacerbated by the fact that I've changed to a Philly license and insurance plan already and started trying to put down my roots here, only to discover that God may be wanting me back in NY after all... I don't know if this is a moment of weakness or a moment of spiritual clarity. I need prayer.
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| It's been 8-9 months since I last updated this. I can't imagine who still reads this, but here's an update for those who find their way here. I've officially graduated seminary with my Masters of Divinity (took four years!) and moved into inner city Philly. For the summer, I'll be living with an elder at Spirit & Truth Fellowship (STF) - the church I've been attending, and helping him work on his house. Meanwhile I'll be looking for my own place, trying to get some low-paying work (currently looking into teaching at a Christian school run through the church), and getting as engaged with the church and the community as possible. I've had some exciting conversations with my pastor about ways I can get involved, serve, and intern - but I haven't ironed out the details yet. STF is a pretty organic and dynamic church - so things tend to go with the flow as determined by the Spirit. As for ordination, I'll let it take its own pace. My goals are more to listen, learn and serve.
I love the church. All the things God has burdened on my heart seem to come together at this one place - an extremely diverse and active church that is pressing forth for God's kingdom on earth and in heaven. It isn't a large church, in a predominantly Hispanic and African-American inner city neighborhood. But it's diverse! The pastors/elders include 2 Puerto Ricans, a Dominican, 2 Koreans, a Caucasian (and other elders whose backgrounds I don't know). The worship leader is African-American, and the praise team is completely mixed, reflecting the congregation - an active, engaged, and caring community. Second, it's active! Just in the one week I've been in the neighborhood, participating in various church functions included: a mission sharing from a cell group that came back from medical missions in Honduras, a rally against building casinos in Philly, a prayer meeting for short-term missions, a worship visit to an AIDS hospice, the praise team practice, letter writing for Christians imprisoned for their faith and members of the community who have been incarcerated, and sharing at the youth cell group.
To date, my heart is for the raising up and discipling of the next generation, the urban/inner city context and the two-thirds world cities, the great need among orphans and abused women, and both transformative development and theological education in the communities of need. I have three goals in putting these together: first, on a local level I want to be engaged in a church that is actively seeking to bring the gospel to transform culture, community, and individuals in communities of need, with a missional heart that engages issues of justice and poverty both immediately and abroad (like STF!). Second, on a broader level, I want to learn how to draw the next generation of Asian youth a step closer to engaging with these realities of God's heart for the world that so many Asian churches seem to completely neglect. Third, I want to engage more fully with the two-thirds world, outside of the American context. Please pray for me!
Edit: BTW, I put all of this up because of my visit to MHCCC for the Senior Sendoff. It was great to see all of you guys (and man you're all growing up fast!), and I realized I want to try to keep up with where God is taking all of you. So here's where I'll be and where the Lord's taking me - remember, my cell and email are always available for you guys. God bless all you seniors!
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| I don't know what i'm doing. What am I doing Jesus? I've
never had so much time for reflection and introspection in
seminary. The last three years were simply study, crash, wake up,
class, ministry, travel, crash, attempt to absorb material, and
continue... and play an occasional game or two... and somewhere in
there was worship. Now all of a sudden I find I am actually ahead
in my seminary reading, which is unheard of for anyone studying at
Westminster. Not only that, God poured out something powerful in
worship and prayer this semester in me. And i about doubled my
rate of composing songs and worship. The count is up there around
11-12, when it was something like 4 before last month. Not to
mention some great fellowship, dialogue with fellow students, and
interaction with professors - now that I actually have time.
At the moment however, my spirit is incredibly stirred up. I
can't seem to do anything, but I just spent time in prayer and it's too
late to pull out my guitar without waking people up and i'm too worked
up to either read Scripture or work out or do anything else. So
i'm reflecting.... and going crazy. Basically, my question is -
where does God want me to go? All kinds of questions and issues
have been on my heart, building up, streams of thought that are now
converging... and i have no idea where this is leading. The
generational conflict in the ethnic church, renewal of worship and
prayer, contextual theology, a recapturing of the sense of the gospel
and the need to actually engage our communities instead of simply being
"good Christians" - where are the poor, sick, lost, hopeless,
widows? This is NOT a codeword for religiosity simply for
complacent middle class Americans, but a real need that so many
churches are doing NOTHING about.
So basically, i want to be an agent of transformation... now the
question is how? Where? Through what means? How do i
engage a society where religion is deemed useless, offshoot,
compartmentalized at best, or corrupt, twisted, and uncaring at
worst. How do i engage churches that are complacent and
comfortable only dealing with their own cultures, or ethnicities, or
socioeconomic concerns? I'm less and less comfortable with
culture-driven churches. How do i network with people that want
to
see the world transformed - is there anyone
out there? And how do i fit in? What does God want to do
with a ridiculously idealistic yet easily discouraged, overly
impassioned, 2nd gen Chinese-American from NYC whose gifts seem to
include being highly critical of anything and everyone, not fitting in
any of the boxes (that's straight out of the mouth of a seminary prof
btw), and having an excess of energy without a channel?
I hope God gives me an answer before I explode.
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| Thoughts of the old and decrepit...
I can no longer bend over. It's amazing the things you discover about
your body only when it is no longer functioning properly. For example,
the brilliant design of locking joints - the ability of your legs to
stiffen up and lock into position so that you can remain standing even
if you should experience spontaneous and total muscle failure in your
legs. The story of course, begins somewhat before this episode... I am rapidly approaching that milestone of life called "the
quarter-century." And as i felt my body functions ebbing and my wits
dimming, i decided that there was little to be done about my sanity,
but that perhaps there was some merit to attempting to regain that
never-to-be-reached but oft-to-be-desired state called "health." So, i
made my way down to the weight room in our dorm and did some exercises,
including squats and calf raises and the like (focusing on the lower
body).
As a sidenote, in college i had attained the glorious weight of 165 lbs
through intense, disciplined effort (and this was on top of having to
regain a freshman -10... you got that right, not freshman +15, but
-10). Within a year after college however, i had lost 15 lbs of muscle, to
settle back into that set point of 150. This may not be a big deal,
until you realize that i stand at 6'4". I don't quite look
like i'm dying, but... i decided that if i could lose 15 lbs in a year,
i should certainly set a goal to gain back 10 lbs in a year. Hard i
know...
Now, people will tell you that exercise makes you feel "healthy" and
"good" and "active. That is a lie. What exercise really does is make
you feel older than you really are. After my period of intense
exercise, i sought to return to my room - which alas, is three floors
up from the weight room. And i realized that this was what it meant to
feel old and decrepit, as i was unable to climb the stairs back up to
my room without extensive use of my arms and a handy bannister that
must have been put into place specifically for such occasions. Once i
did make my way up, i made the worse mistake of sitting down on
the toilet. After doing my business, i attempted to get up, and nearly
fell back into the toilet. After some careful maneuvering, and
reflecting on the joy of practicing for my inevitable future
decrepitude, I somehow made it off the toilet and back onto my feet. It
was then that i discovered God's brilliance in designing our legs so
that they can lock even if our muscles should have failed us absolutely.
Speaking of age, as i approach the quarter-century mark, i have begun
to ponder that inevitable middle-age crisis. Now some of you may think
that this is rather premature, being a little early for middle-age, but
i remind you that mathematically 25 rounds up to 30. No no, no fear for some crazy shift of behavior.
No affairs or motorcyles or sudden desires to go gambling. But, i have been reflecting on the implications of getting my ear pierced. Thoughts anyone?
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| Just finished my third year at seminary. One left to go for my M.Div.
Crazy. Who else spends four years for a Masters? I've been reflecting on my past, wrestling with my present, and
reaching for my future. I've been trying to see where God is leading
me, through my doubts and fears and sins, but also through
my joys, convictions, and visions. What it boils down to is
this. My heart is for revival. I aim high because I can't settle low. I
want big expectations for a big God. I'm sick of the box - around
myself, around my faith, around my world, around my God. I'm sick of excuses, sick of this sinful self, sick of this broken
church, sick of this excuse for Christianity I see around me.
If it's
true that history can be reckoned as a reaction against a reaction, as
a generation defined against another - then I set myself against the
1st generation Chinese-American church. Harsh statement I know, and
it's not that I don't love my brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts,
in the Church. Rather, it's that I cannot abide the watering down of
the gospel that has marked the 1st gen church, has led to a major
breakdown when it comes to meeting the needs of the 2nd gen, and has
erupted into cross-generational conflict. I constantly wrestle with how
to keep contending for the truth without becoming contentious.
So I've been reading Martyn Lloyd-Jones on revival. And I've been
deeply challenged.
Today's problem isn't apathy. If it were all you would need to do would
be to rouse people out of their lethargy. It's a complete unconcern or
even denial of the spiritual altogether. And if you look at
Chinese-Americans, what you see are "practical" and "pragmatic"
Christians - people for whom religion is nothing more than decoration,
or a fallback option. This is the same people who have failed to raise
up their next generation to be leaders in the church. Where are all my
brothers and sisters? a) afraid to disappoint their parents, b)
concerned with the same values as their parents (safety, security,
stability), c) NOT serving.
What the hell is wrong with us? Note, I include myself. It's simple
really. We aren't disciples. We're disciples of that Satan-bedamned
American Dream instead of disciples of Jesus Christ. Can a generation
who is
willing to live and die for their faith take a stand? I'm sick of
bogus religion, bogus religious people, and bogus church. According to
Martyn Lloyd-Jones, revival has historically always been
centered in a reawakening in the local church, not in mass meetings.
Revival has always been centered on preaching and prayer, not in
singing and entertainment. Revival has always started in fixing the
life of the Church, not in evangelization programs. And revival has
always started with the deep conviction of sin, the serious approach to
God in worship - not humor and flippancy... (This is not to say that
there is no place for all the latter options, but that they are not
what drive revival). If he's right, then all the trends of today are
counter-revival... Where is the Church headed today? Can we set a
counter-cultural trend? Not just counter-secular-culture, but
counter-church-culture?
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